Working Title - "Unicorn Farm"

Payment Details:

Expenses Only

Location:

London

Gender:

Male

Age Range:

40 to 60

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Full Details of Job / Opportunity

A short comedy film in the style of a faux news/documentary about a farmer who mistakes the term 'Unicorn' within the business world to actually mean a real life Unicorn. We visit the farmer as he undertakes the job of farming a real Unicorn.

There are 2 roles:

LEAD: John the Farmer - Medium/hearty build. Slight belly. Looks like he’s been brought up on meat and dairy products. Would wear a flat cap and wax jacket. Speaks in a thick west country accent. Has grown up on a farm and now runs it. Very confident and personable. Thinks he knows more than he does. Entrepreneurial spirit but doesn’t quite get it right. (2 days of shooting required)

SUPPORTING: Dean - Assistant. Overweight. Scruffy, Straggly hair. Toothy grin. Quiet and one note. West country accent. Not the sharpest tool in the box. Would wear un untucked shirt with ill fitting jumper and jeans. Dirty with stains down them. (1 day of shooting required).

SCRIPT: INTRO

VO: The UK tech sector has produced one unicorn firm each month over the past year, according to new figures released ahead of London Tech Week.

We take a visit to Deen City Farm where local farmer (Jack Stepney) is making his bid to ride the wave and a turn his local farm into a Unicorn giant.

INTERVIEW

INTERVIEWER: What made you think you could that you could play in this space and turn your farm into a tech giant?

JOHN: Well I was reading this ‘ere newspaper and saw how Government was backing these unicorn companies and thought I’d love a piece of that action. I’ve had the farm for comin’ up 20 years now and thought it was time to try something other than jus sheep and cows ye know.

INTERVIEWER: So what is it that your farm will actually be doing to become a “unicorn” company?

JOHN: I don’t understand the question?

INTERVIEWER: What is it that you’ll be doing on the farm Jack.

JOHN: Well unicorns pfffffft (laughs).

INTERVIEWER: Unicorns?

JOHN: Well the thing is, I thought that unicorns were just something you’d see off the telly. Ye know, lived in America and that. But then I saw on the news that all the Unicorn companies were setting up in London and thought it can’t be that hard.

INTERVIEWER: What can’t be that hard?

JOHN: Farming unicorns ye daft bugger. Pfffffft

INTERVIEWER: Right.

JOHN: So I put an ad in the local newspaper and got Dean on board.

(Camera reframes to include Dean who was stood just out of shot)

Dean Smiles.

JOHN: He seemed to know what he was on about and seems like a trustworthy chap, so I promised ‘im a bed ‘til he’d got the thing sussed.

INTERVIEWER: So Dean, you’re the brains behind the operation.

DEAN: Yep

INTERVIEWER: And you’ll be helping John farm unicorns.

Dean: Yep

INTERVIEWER: Mind if we take a look?

BEHIND THE SCENES

We cut the the workshop within the stables. On a chalkboard behind a desk we see a list of horned animals with a strike through their names.

Goat - too small
Bull - Too angry
Elephant - Too big
Reindeer - Wrong horns
Rhino - ?

Giving the viewer just enough time to read the list, Dean slams down a bucket full of a white gloopy substance, spilling some over the side.

JOHN: It was all about finding the right animal ye see.

Dean plunges a hand grasping a beaker into the bucket and puts it up on a shelf with the name tag ‘Buttercup.’

JOHN: We already had the right tools for lambin’ season.

Dean grabs another beaker of semen and plonks it next to the name tag ‘Daisy.’

JOHN: We just needed to find the right stuff.

John pulls into shot a mood board he’d made of different horned animals. Scraps of paper, rough around the edges, pritsticked together. The Rhino has a circle around it.

JOHN: You can get pretty much anything on E-Bay these days.

Dean plunges his hand once again into the bucket of rhino semen.

Fades to black.

We return to John and Dean stood infront of the chalk board.

INTERVIEWER: How have you been getting on guys?

JOHN: Well… we ran into some difficulties.

Camera pulls focus to the chalk board where there is a big red cross through all the names apart from one.

JOHN: But we think we might have got one brewing.

The name daisy has a big green tick by her name.

INTERVIEWER: Right. So when can we expect to see the… er product?

JOHN: Well Daisy is actually due to push one today so if you stick around and you may just get to see some magic happen.

EVENING TIME

We see john stood outside a stable and here commotion coming from inside. Neighs, rustling, hooves on wood.

Dean’s inside lookin’ after Daisy.

JOHN: I ain’t got the stomach for that kind of thing.

We hear more commotion building to a slop. Blood spills under the door.

JOHN: You alight Dean?

Dean: Yep. (worried tone)

JOHN: Do we have ourselves a unicorn yet?

Dean: Er...Yep.

John beams across his face like a proud father. He pulls out a cigar and lights it.

JOHN: Now we’re really cooking on gas…

END

We see John stood in the middle of Hackney holding his brochure of Unicorns. He’s stood next to a giant tech company with a little stall. He’s attempting to stop passers by but they wave him off in disregard.

INTERVIEWER: How’s it going John?

We see a close up of the brochure with a poorly photoshopped unicorn horn on a horse.

JOHN: Not much interest so far but I’m hopeful. Just need to sell the one then we can knock off get a pint.

We see a shot of a man leaving a tech company, next to John.

JOHN: May I interest you on a unicorn? (attempting to speak in his best English).

The man ignores John and puts his headphones on.

End on a wide of John looking distinctly out of place in Hackney.


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